My cousin is headed down the aisle TOMORROW. With wedding season in full bloom and all the buzz about the new Mr. & Mrs., I’ve stopped fighting sentimentality and fully submitted to my own nuptial nostalgia. Looking back is mostly sweet, but in retrospect, there are a few things I wish I had done differently and none of them have to do with dresses or decor. Thanks to a good chat with another Catholic wife, we came up with a handful of lessons every bride-to-be should learn before they say I do.
1.) Let it go
Whatever it is. Maybe you’re just a little uptight about the bridesmaids’ dresses and up-dos. Maybe your mom is driving you bananas. Maybe you’re angry and not giving someone a traditional role in your wedding. Let it go, because really, it doesn’t matter. There’s no time like a wedding to offer forgiveness and mercy (and it’s such a humble, gracious thing to do); the wedding isn’t about decorative details; and usually all parties involved in any wedding get pretty emotionally invested. With all the hype and thrill surrounding the BIG DAY, it’s hard to see life beyond it. Holding fast to grudges and details will likely stack up against you as regrets the minute it’s all over.
2.) ‘Fess Up
This was the best thing I could have done for Andrew. Our Mass started at 4:30 and we both went to Confession at 4:00. It was fantastic. We received three sacraments at the very start of life together – Reconciliation, Holy Eucharist, and Matrimony. Because I married Andrew with a freshly clean soul, filled with grace from the Eucharist as well, he got the absolute best of me. In hindsight, there is nothing I could have done to improve my soul when I married him. While we arranged it with our presiding priest beforehand, we could have just caught him real fast before the ceremony, too. Such a simple thing yielded HUGE, grace-filled results.
3.) Ask for help
It might not cast a net so wide as the others, but it has to be said. I was one of those people-pleaser brides who didn’t want to ask anyone, including my poor mother, for help in all the little chores to be done; like choosing invitations (ours were lame because I had no idea what I was doing and I consulted no one), going to pick out shoes for my dress, deciding on a veil. These were all things I could have done in good company and with wonderful support, but I thought it would be a burden, so I carried it myself. I totally believed I was being considerate of others’ time, but I was really just hurting feelings because they felt shut out from planning. Hands down, my biggest regret from all the prep lies here. Family and friends are always happy to offer assistance to a new bride. Ask for help and have fun with it.
4.) Surround yourself with people who are good for you
There will be people who flutter in and out during the prepping and planning, but the ones who remain consistent are your bridesmaids. Your Dream Team. My wedding party was a fantastic gift because each girl was a blessing in her own right. My sister was my matron of honor who brought wisdom, prayers, and unwavering support. At a time when I was most stressed and anxious, my friend Tina was there with her hands on my shoulders telling me that all the tiny things going on were no big deal. Lauren kept me laughing. Erin was my sounding board and let me talk her ears off about every delight and worry. Mikki was the sweetest and smiley-est. None of my bridesmaids talked trash behind my back. If there were communication breakdowns, they were addressed. They helped me focus on the sacrament and it was obvious that they cared for my soul and well being. Blessings, all of ’em. Ask girls who will help you, not hinder you.
4.) Set your sights on marriage
This one might seem obvious, but let’s talk about it anyway. Every bride loves her wedding day, but remember that’s all it is – one day. It’ll be gone as quickly as it came and before you know it, regular life settles in. The whole purpose of a wedding is to start a marriage and the most successful marriages I’ve seen involve a lot of humility and 100% teamwork. Making your life about serving God through serving spouse is the best thing you can possibly do for yourself and your shiny new groom.
What am I missing?? Let me know below! or write me on Twitter or Facebook with #lessons4brides
Great tips! I would add one that I learned from a friend while I was still dating my future husband: Start praying with your boyfriend or fiance EVERY DAY, long before the wedding. It’s a real journey to learn to pray well as a couple, with many powerful lessons about humility, honesty, charity, and getting over the awkwardness! So, start early and make daily couple prayer a habit in your relationship. 🙂
I think these are all great. I would add to #5…the couple should be spending as much time on marriage prep as they are on wedding plans. I’ve heard so many couples complain about the marriage prep which saddens me. They seem to forget that they are really preparing for a lifetime.
My other suggestion is to remember that while the couple is getting married, the wedding is really about the entire family. Your parents raised you, your siblings grew up with you, they are important. Ask them for their opinions/suggestions. At some point, most parents have thought about the day their children will be married. Ask your parents (especially your mom) if they have any requests or ideas for the day. Be specific; ask about any pictures they may want, do they want to walk you down the aisle, help your get dressed, any ideas on flowers, cake, etc. I have watched a few brides order their family around like servants. Don’t hurt your family for one day.
I love these tips! Having been married for a few years now, I like them because they are simple and easy to remember. Those kinds of things are priceless because when stressful times come, less complicated advice is more useful. I love that you emphasize positive community too. It has done wonders fro my marriage!
Traditions are just that – traditions, not rules. For the most part, there is nothing (other than, you know, a license) you HAVE to do, have, or include in your rehearsal, ceremony, or reception.
For our wedding: a girl (my husband’s sister) was the best (wo)man and one of my best male friends stood by me, a moose and bear were on top of our mountain themed cake (instead of a bride and groom on a fancy cake), 7 protestant teenagers (some of my youth group from the church I worked for) were the choir for our Catholic mass, I didn’t wear a garter or throw a bouquet. My favorite part – we stood in the gathering space of the church greeting our guests BEFORE and after the ceremony!