Southern Hospitality: A Must-Have in Every Marriage

I’ve learned a thing or two about Southern hospitality in the 5-and-change years since we moved to Louisiana. While practices vary among families, the general rule is a warm, charming welcome extended to just about everyone. Introductions between ladies are more often begun with hugs over handshakes, and by the end of a first conversation, there’s a mutual promise of homemade gumbo and a helping hand if you’re ever in a bind. It’s about presenting the absolute best and prettiest you have not just to give a good first impression, but as a gesture of Christian courtesy to ensure your guest feels right at home. In a word, it’s polished.

Amid the colorful life down here is a sweetness I can’t explain, and it’s not just the tea. So I was thinking – could I transfer some of that Southern Sweetness to a life of wedded bliss?? The answer – a resounding YES – and what I’m developing is something I’d like to call Married Hospitality.

1) A Good First Impression: You know that feeling? You come home from vacation to the scattered disaster you left on your frantic way out. Nothing in its place and after a long stretch of travel when you just want to recoup, it’s time to clean up instead of unwind. Or maybe you can let it go and pull up a pile of laundry – either way, it’s a mess and it’s waiting for you. It’s this horrible, no-good sensation that prompts me to do a swift pick-up with the boys before Andrew comes in because in my mind, mess is stress and neat is…neat? The front rooms of the house are usually tidied and I recently started making the bed first thing in the morning so our room looks put together pretty easily.

2) The Way to a Man’s Heart: If there’s anything the South does just right, it’s food. Oh my goodness, these people know how to cook and they plan whole events around what’s being served. While I have a few fantastic meals on my menu, when it comes to the kitchen, I’m a closet nervous-wreck. I dread the dreaded question “What’s for dinner?” even with a meal plan and a full spice rack, because my skills are just under that of a 5 Star chef. BUT – everyone has to eat and I don’t want my husband wondering if dinner is going to be a bowl of cereal or cheesy hot lasagna. Sometimes he cooks, but most of the time dinner is on me and when I understand meal-making as a way to show love and respect to Andrew, I put that much more enthusiasm into it, which typically yields delicious dinners.

3) Shut Up and Listen (and Smile): So let’s say you can’t get the house clean or dinner in the oven – is it all a wash? No way. Remember that hospitality is the art and grace of receiving someone and making them feel welcome period. Though it might be a challenge in the middle of busyness, it’s important to note that spouses are never an inconvenience and they should be more welcome to us than anyone else. The best way for me to get this in is by asking Andrew how he is, what happened in his day, what he thinks of x, y, or z with our kids. And it’s not just the best way, it’s the hardest way. How do I say this…hmm…I’m a chatterbox. I have thoughts! I have feelings! I have experiences and reflections! and if you ask me a question, I’ll give you a long answer! So for me to hold back bombarding Andrew with Guess Whats and You Know What I Thinks to give him a little time on the air, then it’s good for both of us. I gain humility and he knows he has a wife who cares about his work. Try letting your husband speak first without interruption. You might learn more about him!

4) Our Homemade Hero: Our boys absolutely adore Andrew. In their minds, there is no man stronger, taller (pretty sure there isn’t), or more fun and they want his affirmation more than breath. This of course is due to Andrew just being an awesome dad. He’s hilarious, creative, and constantly trying to teach the boys something new; but this is also because of me. Modestly and honestly, I do my best to build Andrew up in our kids’ minds. We begin anticipating his homecoming the second he departs for work and all day long, he’s a point of reference for problem-solving. Something’s broken? Somebody has a question? “Let’s ask Daddy to help, he’s so good at fixing things.” Because I have a rather rosy view of Andrew myself, it’s easy to stir up enthusiasm for him, and when he walks through the door, the big boys and I rush to greet him with the baby in tow.  He’s our hero, I tell them, and they believe me.

It’s important for a man to be loved and respected by everyone in his home (and of course a woman, too, but that’s another post). Respect is so very, very necessary in marriage and it will spread to family life when it’s visible. I’m astounded at how quick I am to whip the house into shape knowing a guest is on the way; and I’m just as quick to rely Andrew’s sympathy and understanding if he comes home to a wife in pajamas and couches hidden under laundry. Who wants that?? Putting loving effort into Married Hospitality conveys true love that every soul seeks.