It’s a common sight to see a couple of Southern ladies power walking through the neighborhood, heart rate up and sweat on the brow amidst a conversation as intense as the exercise.
Southern women don’t just walk for the exercise – they walk for the talks.
It’s no secret that women converse as a hobby. It’s not just Southern women; any red-blooded female revels in the occasion to chat with her girlfriends. “Girl talk” is a phrase that has rung through the ages and across generations. It’s what we do.
Topics vary depending on the company and location, however, it seems that the one subject that never gets old is men.
Raised a Southern woman myself, many of my friendships have been forged over a walk, a cup of coffee, or a drink on the patio and the discussion of the male species. We bonded over the ways we understand men and the ways we don’t. In the beginning of a relationship, a girl dishes about the intangible details. She and her friends analyze every voice inflection, facial expression and text message, trying to extrapolate any possible meaning. In the meat of the relationship, we dissect the future, dream about engagement rings, plan fantasy weddings and name imaginary children.
Talking about relationships with my girlfriends throughout my life has been a favorite pastime. When I got married, however, things changed. My girlfriends and I didn’t have to analyze if he liked me anymore – shoot, the guy married me, we already know how he feels. And besides, hearing the bad stuff is so much more entertaining.
It didn’t take long for me to realize that it felt wrong to discuss the argument my husband and I had the night before. Or to disclose details of our important conversations. And the “is he a good kisser?” topic had nowhere left to go but inappropriate. Dishing about every intimate detail of my relationship wasn’t fun anymore. It felt like I wasn’t honoring my husband’s trust in me. I wasn’t keeping my best friend’s life private.
My husband and I always strive to work out a disagreement in the same conversation it starts, so reliving an argument in a chat with a friend only seemed to stir up the issue in my mind again. It also painted my husband in a bad light to my girlfriends because they were only hearing my side of the story when maybe I was at fault, too. Additionally, my friends certainly didn’t need to know about the thoughts and emotions my husband shared with me. That’s why he married only ME – not my best friends and me.
It became very clear, very quickly that over-discussing my marriage with my friends was not a good idea. It only bred “crazy” in my head and made me feel bad. And for what? Just to have something to talk about?
Proverbs 21:19 It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman.
Amen to that, Proverbs. Why be that contentious and angry woman just so you can avoid silence while you’re power walking with your girlfriend? I don’t want to live with that woman, so why would my husband?
It was a hard transition to make. Now, I keep topics to occasionally seeking advice on a rare quandary or sharing the positive, appropriate things about my relationship. As a result, my conversations have only enriched my friendships and my marriage. Sticking to those topics decreased drama and increased my love and appreciation for my husband.
Now, before I share something about my relationship, I ask myself these questions:
· Is this necessary to share?
· How would I feel if my husband told his friend this story from his point of view?
· Does my friend even want to know this?
· How does this make my husband – the most important person in my life – appear to others?
So there you have it – a few standards to hold on to for your next lap around the neighborhood with your girlfriend. Look at your new conversation topics as a chance to grow your friendships in maturity and quality. Your marriage and friendships will be better for it, trust me.
[author] [author_image timthumb=’on’]http://catholicwife.macandmedia.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/BlogHeadshot.jpg[/author_image] [author_info]Grown in the South with ambition and adventure to spare, Lauren Creagan is an award-winning producer and writer. She and her husband Blake have been married for two years, and live in “the sticks” of Central Oregon with their hilarious dog, Jack.[/author_info] [/author]
I love this! You’ve tackled an issue I struggle with. Question: Do you have any advice for the times I “forget” and over share? Is it better to never bring it up again with the girls and hope they just forget, wait to see if they bring it up and then apologize, or bring it up myself and clear the air?
Hi Mitzi,
I am absolutely guilty of accidentally over sharing, too. When it happens, I usually base my follow-up actions on a case-by-case basis. If something I said is really bothering me and I can’t get over it, I find it helps to bring it up with my girlfriends and clear the air myself. Sometimes a little further explanation can help you feel more understood and erase any negative perceptions your friends may have developed from your previous comments. Other times, I don’t do anything and let the over sharing just fade away because although I might have noticed the comments, my friends may have not. You just have to feel it out and do whatever you think is fair to your spouse, best for your friendships, and make sure you feel good about it as well.