Redirect from Social Media for Better Marriage Communication

All three boys occupied with preschool, a nap, and toys respectively. Fresh black coffee. Deep breath. And exhale: a moment of peace.

So naturally I’m on Facebook, scrolling the News Feed and Liking along the way – albeit not the best way to savor the quiet, but that’s another post. I was just conjuring a witty status for The Catholic Wife Facebook page, wondering how many comments, likes, or even shares I would get when I stopped…and sent it to Andrew instead.

I’m mildly embarrassed to admit I’m hooked on Facebook. I’m on several times a day, write up a status, check for feedback. It feels like I invest much of myself in it since it’s my go-to every time I open Chrome. I invest my reflections, ideas, and time communicating to a sea of people – few of whom I know very well and vice versa – who may or may not appreciate what’s said. And sure, that’s the nature of any social media: I put a little of myself out there and respond to others. It’s an amoral thing – whatever good or bad that comes from it, comes from me.

But what if I took all that investing and put it toward my #1 hard-workin’ man?  What if every time I updated my personal or blog status, I sent it to Andrew as well or even instead of? There’s nothing wrong with social media, but I think it’s easy for us to seek affirmation more often from the online crowd than our husbands; and there’s no doubt in my mind that communicating mental musings or a question for advice will yield more than a brief conversation between Andrew and me. Specifically, even if some status isn’t particularly interesting to him, it’s still a piece of my mind and insight into who I am, so offering him my thoughts is a small gift of self; ALSO while asking advice online is great to get a varied response, asking Andrew his opinion lets him know that I want his help and advice. It tells him that he matters. And he does – more than anyone.

I took this idea for a spin today by giving up Facebook to see how much I’ve trained myself to make personal PSAs versus just talking to my husband. Though the tendency to update my Friends came up only a handful of times, converting whatever tidbit I had to offer from status to personal email to Andrew was pretty fun. I bragged about dragging the heaviest trash can ever from our side yard to the curb, and in a separate email told him that coconut and dark chocolate is superior to every flavor combination under the sun. Ridiculous, I know, but you get the point. Now Andrew knows that I’m crazy strong AND he’ll pass on the Reese’s and go for Mounds if he wants to surprise his wife.

It doesn’t stop at insignificant facts, though – I’ll send him an article that interests me and ask his thoughts (So many parents struggle to converse about something beyond kids and this is a great solution); or ask for his prayers so we can grow in supporting each other spiritually. You see what happens? The output usually directed toward Facebook bears more fruit when redirected to spouses.

So I think I’ll keep this up. During Lent at least (COMIN’ UP!) – for every status or article, I’ll either send it to Andrew instead of or in addition to sharing it online. Social interactions are about quality, not quantity; and my connection with my husband is at the top of my list. Before I click POST to tell the world that I jam out to “Ode to Joy” from Sister Act 2 in my mini-van, I’ll send it Andrew’s way: “Don’t you LOVE this song??” Before an online request for prayers or advice, I’ll make sure I’m seeking his, too.

I fell for Andrew and he became my favorite person in the whole world. I married him and he became the most important person in the whole world. I want to make sure he knows it.

 

___________________________________________________

For your viewing pleasure: