The idea of joy in suffering is a pretty tough pill to swallow and I’ve wrestled with it for years. It’s a challenge that goes beyond emotions and requires a huge effort from the will; it calls for understanding that in suffering, we can imitate Christ in a more specific way and humbly offer our own crosses to God for His further glorification.
To be straightforward, the view from my family’s window is gray these days. Though life contains little stresses here and there, the most prominent are that Andrew’s grandmother recently passed and a close relative on my side of the family has terminal cancer that is quickly advancing. Both of these things really hit hard early last week and it’s been emotionally draining to the point that I have to remind myself to keep functioning, keep doing laundry, keep cooking. Honestly though, I wish the world would pause so we could all catch our breath and regain strength. Suffering is undeniably present and many family members on both sides are trying to keep their heads above water.
Bear with me – I swear the following is related.
photo by Claus Rebler
I had a doctor’s appointment yesterday to check up and see how our Sweet #3 is coming along. At 14 1/2 weeks, my outward evidence of our new one is developing a bit and my pregnancy is going quickly. No ultrasound planned, but per usual my doctor used a monitor to feel around for the baby and catch the heartbeat. After a minute or so I heard the soft, quick rhythm and I confess a few seconds was good enough for me and I was ready to get on with planning my next visit; but holding the monitor to my baby bump, my doctor lingered there for a full 30 seconds almost forcing me to relish in my unborn child’s life and I was so glad. For those 30 seconds I checked out of the gray and felt a lovely brightness and hope. It really was neat the way he silently encouraged me to treasure the sound and the moment. When we wrapped up our visit he asked if we want to know what we’re having and I assumed we’d find out in a month or so at my next appointment. “Nah,” he smiled, “Let’s find out next week! Let’s see who’s in there.” My breath caught in my chest and an immediate sense of giddiness overwhelmed me. YAY! NEXT WEEK.
God’s timing is perfect and our baby’s life came at just the right time. Similar to how we announced our third pregnancy (surprising local family with t-shirts and a big cake at our house), I want to continue celebrating Baby #3 all throughout my pregnancy and figure out an exciting way to reveal to friends and family if we’re expecting another little man or a baby girl. I want this little one to know that from the very start, he or she was wanted and loved and excitedly anticipated; that the novelty of pregnancy and having kids in our family doesn’t wear off. Setting even this motivation aside, today I realized more fully that in the midst of sorrow and trial, God has given our family a tiny source of great joy and I want to magnify it as much as possible.
Joy in suffering does involve drawing oneself closer to Christ in His Passion and Death. It involves hoping in God’s will, knowing that He allows all suffering ultimately for some particular good. It is joyfully accepting that His Plan is hands-down, the best for us and though there are thorns, the roses are abundant and full. What are even the littlest bits of happiness or peace amid your suffering? It’s so easy to identify and focus on trials and write off the joys as being lesser; but I encourage you to identify the blooms on your own thorny path and grasp that they are signs of God’s upholding grace.
“Oh, I fear nothing; if God sends such great suffering to a soul. He upholds it with an even greater grace, although we are not aware of it.” -St. Faustina
Thanks, Katie, for the light you share.