Fighting the “Look at me!” Tendency

Sometimes I can just hear God speaking straight to my soul: “Katie, repeat after me, ‘I am not the center of the universe.'”

What feels like eons ago, I wrote a post applying Mother Teresa’s humility list to the married/domestic life (a revamped list COMING SOON); but follow-through has been a big ol’ struggle for me these days, especially with #1 and #10; oh and let’s not forget self-pity.

#1 – Speak as little as possible about yourself. Let’s start with the hardest thing ever and up the challenge from there, shall we? I’m a family life columnist, I’m a blogger, I’m a wife, I’m a mom, daughter, sister, friend, etc. Talking about myself is sort of built into a handful of these, which is perfectly fine of course. There are times, places, and circumstances for things and I doubt Blessed Mother Teresa intended for one to never speak of him/herself. Still, since reading this advice, I’ve become aware of just how often (and how easily!) I turn a conversation to be about me. I’m not talking about throwing in a sentence or two of personal experience to contribute to the conversation either. I’m talking psychological cues that turn into full-blown personal anecdotes that have way more relevance to me than the subject at hand. It’s obnoxious really, and I never intend to chase after the lime light (even when my proverbial 15 minutes are up); it’s just habit. Bl. Mother Teresa’s suggestion to speak as little as possible of oneself is an invitation to go outside of my own world to express care and concern for others. And as a soul trying to take teeny baby steps toward humility, I have to manifest it into a simple “How are you?” topped off with genuine, focused interest in the answer. It’s about making the effort to listen to others without planning ahead as to what my own responses will be; it’s about engaging in discussion about things other than ME; and it’s about knowing when personal thoughts and experience are pertinent and appropriate to offer in dialogue.

What I have to realize is that toning down the Me Talk might lead to #10 – Accept contempt, being forgotten, and disregarded. Honestly, I’ve always thought that talking too much might lead to the contempt part, but I could be wrong. It’s being forgotten that gets under my skin to gnaw at my social anxiety – was I forgotten because I’m actually an awkward person and I didn’t know it? Am I obnoxious? Does everyone else know that I talk too much? Am I a forgettable person? In the confusion of over-analyzing why I wasn’t included in this this or that, the Self-Pity Party starts and I feel sorry for myself the way I’d sympathize with 6 year-old outted from kick ball. It’s at this point that I’m basing my personal worth on, well, ME and the opinions of others – opinions that might not even be there! A humble person bases his/her value on the certain love and mercy of God, which are unshakable, rendering the person unshakably humble, too. Accepting contempt, being forgotten, and disregarded is a fantastic way to imitate Christ, who experienced it all within Scripture and even now. I know I’m guilty of it – I’ll forget to pray or if I have the chance, I’ll ignore the call to prayer to procrastinate it for later in the day, which never seems to roll around. Or maybe I’ll even decidedly choose something else over being with Christ. And Christ accepts it and pursues me with his love and mercy anyway. How’s that for Humble Pie?

Humility is understanding myself in relation to God, in relation to Truth; and it’s a tough reality to face when I’ve been stuck in habitual pride. I’m thankful, though, for the the reminder that I’m not the center of the universe and the prompt to love the One Who Is.